Then and Now...

Because I'm sure you're just dying to know...


So far I've lost NINETY (90) POUNDS! NINETY FREAKING POUNDS!  ...I still want to lose about 70 more, but I'm feeling pretty damned good.  Life is so much easier when you're no longer carrying around three 30lbs bags of dog food everywhere you go.  I don't know how I did it.  I love being able to climb several flights of stairs without getting winded, being able to put on and tie my shoes like a "normal person" sitting in a chair!  I love being able to cross my legs, sit on the floor, fit in those stupid white resin patio chairs!  I love not having to worry about whether or not I'm going to fit in a booth or get up on a bar stool.  I'm still quite overweight and have a ways to go but every day I'm grateful for the accomplishments I've made and look forward to what's in store for my future!

Then

Now - 7.5 Months Post Op

Carowinds Update

So what else has happened in recent months?  Well after the mud run I went to beautiful West Virginia with my bff Stacey and her family.  I've gone with them several times and every time I've been on some diet or another.

The first time I went Stacey and I were doing our own version of a reboot which was mildly successful.  I lost 6lbs during the entire month that we did this.  Six whole pounds!  The second time we went I was doing the HCG diet.  I had lost 11lbs the two weeks prior to our trip and gained 8lbs during the week we were there.  Then last year I was attempting gluten free...but the food there is always so good!  Her mom's baked squashed is out of this world and flour isn't optional!

My point is, this was the first time I spent a week there without stressing over what I was going to eat or more importantly, not eat!  It was so freeing!  Having this surgery is seriously the best decision I've ever made.  I do track what I eat and I am careful about my choices, but I no longer feel out of control when it comes to eating.  I'm able to enjoy food for what it is and appreciate it rather than just consume it.  90% of the time I make good choices and 10% of the time I splurge.  I feel the way I always imagined naturally thin people must feel.  Even though I'm not thin and might never be considered thin, I FEEL normal and that's a good feeling!

It was also great to feel like I could keep up with everyone else, fit comfortably on/in furniture that wasn't made for large people and not constantly feel self-conscious from the moment I got out of bed until it was time to sleep again.  So fun!

On to the title of this blog...Carowinds!  I did it!  I WENT TO CAROWINDS!  I RODE A FREAKING ROLLER COASTER!  Actually I rode several roller coasters and water park rides!  I was supposed to go on a girls trip to the beach but it didn't work out so we spent a day at Carowinds instead.  The night before we went I couldn't sleep; I was so excited, like a kid going to Disneyland.  I was up bright and early and kept watching the clock so I could leave.  There were two roller coasters that I wasn't able to ride due to the size of my ass, but there were several others that I was able to ride and ride, I did!  I had such a blast.  My friends were laughing at me because I was so excited.  I was laughing at me too.

So Carowinds and Mud Run are two milestones that I wanted to accomplish on my weightloss journey.  The next one comes September 8th when I will be spending a day with a group of friends at the National Whitewater Center, white water rafting, kayaking, zip lining and ropes coursing.  I CAN NOT WAIT!

I'll post some pictures soon!  Promise.

Best Decision I've Ever Made

I'm such a slacker!  I know.  I'm sorry.  I've got so many projects going (more like ideas processing) that I can't seem to hone in on one long enough to actually complete any of them...including this blog, or at least a blog entry!

Anyway, my last entry was basically about the anxiety I was feeling over the impending Mud Run which was to take place a week later.  All I can say about that is, "I'm a dork."  The mud run was a BLAST!

Mel and Me at the Starting Line

Brett wasn't able to see the whole course from the spectator's area, but he was able to capture the most important part...getting muddy!

And the best part was that I finished!  I walked a lot of it, if not most but completing it was the best feeling, ever! 

Mel and I were covered from head to toe.  It took me a week to get the mud stains off of my skin.  My finger and toe nails looked like I had a wicked Cheetos addiction.  

I can't wait to do it again!

Joined a Gym!

I wish that "joining a gym" was actually news worthy but it really isn't. This probably the, wait, hold on, I think I can remember...this IS the fifth gym I've joined- so it's not really all that exciting or anything new for that matter. But I'm feeling better about it this time around- eh, I always feel good about it in the beginning so I guess that's not really news worthy either. Anyway, I joined a gym yesterday and I will be going for the first time TODAY!

I joined an all women's gym in hopes that I will feel confident enough to step foot in there prior to any drastic weightloss--- in order to LOSE A DRASTIC AMOUNT OF WEIGHT! Grrr...Why do I hate exercising so much? I don't mean I dislike it- I mean I HATE it! Like it makes me feel nauseated when I think about it, even just going for a walk seems like torture. SO BORING! I hate walking "for pleasure"- to me there's nothing pleasurable about it. Even though I live in a beautiful area and am surrounded by lovely parks and quaint, very walkable streets, I just can't seem to find any joy in "going for a walk". Maybe that will change with weightloss, but I doubt it. I've never enjoyed walking- seems like a waste of time. I do however love hiking and riding my bike- but those are off limits for a while. So I'm hoping that by joining a gym, AGAIN, that I will find a decent distraction in whatever is on TV while I'm on the treadmill and eventually (approximately 4 weeks from now) I'll be able to take an aerobics class or body pump or SOMETHING that doesn't require being completely stationary and/or WALKING!

You're probably thinking that I need to change my attitude, and you're probably right, but it's not going to happen...unless of course I suddenly enjoy walking. Yeah, I know, thought beget feelings, blah, blah, blah...I HATE WALKING!

So anyway- I had my two week follow up with the surgeon yesterday- also known as Mr. Personality. He's SO quiet and dry that it's almost funny. I can't do an impression of him in writing because there aren't enough descriptors in my vocabulary, but suffice it to say, he is...a great surgeon and it's a good thing the majority of his time that is spent with his patients is while they're out cold. Regardless, my appointment went well- I'm healing nicely and he's pleased with my progress. Duh.

I've moved on to "soft foods", which basically means anything except: bread (I know it's soft but it's gluey) raw vegetables, raw fruit (except bananas), dry and dryish meat, melba toast, Triscuits, and anything fried, sugary or fatty. So far, so good. This week I've dined on deli turkey and cheese, meatloaf and mashed cauliflower with peas, macaroni with meat sauce (mostly the meat sauce), grilled chicken with broccoli and Alfredo, Chex cereal with milk, sugar free pudding and Chrystal Light popsicles. It's nice to have more complex flavors and textures.

I'm supposed to eat a half a cup of food three times per day plus two snacks and LOTS of liquids and protein. Let me tell you, it's hard as hell to get that all in, in one day! I'm a big water drinker and I like to chug it but because my stomach (pouch) is to teeny tiny I can't, so I have to try to sip all day. (I'm a whiner aren't I? Sheesh!) It really is hard though. I want to chug but I have to sip and then when I'm hungry I have to wait 30 minutes since my last sip to actually eat- then wait another 30 to drink again. This leaves me feeling thirsty almost constantly. Sometimes I forget and I take a big gulp- fortunately I remember before I swallow but still. I have swallowed too much water at one time, in-fact I do it several times a day- not huge swallows, but too much. When that happens, it hurts. The pain only lasts a few seconds but it grosses me out to think about too much water in a my teen tiny pouch. I know it's supposed to stretch a bit, but thinking about it stretching gives me the eeby jeebies.

I've only lost three pounds since my last post- I think most of it is water weight. The Dr. didn't seem concerned- he says "you WILL lose weight, it's impossible not to". But if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you know that my body is a real pistol so I can't say I'm surprised by this lack of loss. I was hoping I'd be one of those success stories that lost 90lbs in the first three months, but it's not looking like that's going to be the case. Instead I will be one of those slow steady types- greeeeat...

I guess that's all for now. Here's to walking on a treadmill for the next four weeks. Yay!

Beyond the play-by-play

Okay, so yesterday I offered a play-by-play of the past week's events; it wasn't very exciting stuff but needed to be done...sorry for the bore fest.

On to the touchy feely stuff...

Christmas Eve was my first outing since the surgery- it had been six days since the big day. Originally it was decided that we weren't going to join my family on the "Eve" and instead they would come over to our house Christmas afternoon to exchange present and hang out-- we all assumed I wouldn't feel up to going anywhere, but come Friday morning I was feeling confident that I was up for the festivities of Christmas Eve.

Side Note: I still can't believe how good I've felt throughout this process. I joked with Brett last Friday that I wasn't convinced that the surgeon actually did the procedure. I felt too good...and I was HUNGRY! Perhaps he just made a few incisions, scrambled my guts for a minute, stitched me back up and took an extra long coffee break. I had expected to not have an appetite for a long time but my stomach was growling and the clear liquids were NOT cutting it! Thank goodness for Tylenol with Codeine- made the hunger pains vanish!

Back to the point of this blog entry...Christmas Eve in my family IS Christmas. We have a spread that could feed an army- cold cuts, cheeses, olives, ham rolls (we'll get to those later) crudite, more cheese and crackers and pepperoni and dough balls (oh man! the dough balls!) plus 15 different kinds of cookies and the night is topped off with a huge pot of linguini with clam sauce. It's quite the occasion. It's kind of an open house sort-of-party, people stop by, eat a little, drink a little, talk a little and eat some more.

Before we left to head west to L-town, I packed a cooler with a can of broth, a clear protein powder drink mix and an eight pack of homemade Crystal Light popsicles. Oh and my pain meds...I was prepared! I had taken my meds at three o'clock and would be due again at seven- I was good to go!

When we got there, my sisters dining room table was already lined with food-- it was beautiful. My first glance was a bit emotional. I actually felt a little choked up knowing that I wouldn't be able to eat any of the once-a-year Italian delicacies...but I took a deep breath and said to myself, "you'll live, Andrea" and that was that. The mourning was over. I did find myself wanting to grab a piece of cheese or salami or SOMETHING a few times but that was only out of habit and because it was there. It was weird to NOT walk by the table and snag a cookie but it wasn't hard. There were a few times that I contemplated pulverizing a ham roll in my sisters blender- technically I was supposed to be on CLEAR LIQUIDS until Monday, BUT I felt like I was ready for some blenderized food-- but I didn't. When the dough balls (perhaps the best part of Christmas Eve) went in the fryer, I heated up my can of broth and sipped it spoonful by spoonful. It hit the savory spot and I survived the DOUGH BALLS!

My family kept giving me apologetic looks. They felt bad eating in front of me and were sorry that I couldn't enjoy the food with them-- but really, I was okay. I wasn't sad at all. I knew when my surgery date was scheduled that I wouldn't be eating on Christmas and I was okay with that...I still am. Eating is what got me to where I am now (or was, 20lbs ago-- yes, I'm down 20lbs since the two-week-prior liquid diet!) and I knew I would survive without dough balls- I'm living proof to show that it IS possible to survive with dough balls- it IS surprising, but true.

I made it the whole night sipping soup and sucking on my Chrystal Light popsicles- which happened to be a big hit with all the kids that were there- I was happy to share. I made it the whole night without temptation until JUST before we left. Remember those ham rolls I mentioned before? Remember how I thought about blending one up? Well, I didn't go that far, BUT I did squeeze the cream cheese out of one and swirled it around in my mouth for a minute- it wasn't even enough to swallow, but it sure was tasty. Who knew ham infused cream cheese could be so delectable?

The next day I decided I was ready to start my pureed diet. Brett made me four hard boiled eggs which I practically liquified with some mayo and calorie free honey mustard and I boiled a potato to make mashed potatoes. They were the best "egg salad" and mashed potatoes I'd EVER had! I finally finished off that egg salad this morning for breakfast and I still have half the mashed taters in the fridge. Crazy, huh?

So what HAVE I been eating? Well, eggs salad and mashed potatoes- two table spoons at a time. The hardest part is not drinking 30 minutes before, with or 30 minutes after eating. I'm finding that I'd rather drink water than eat and occasionally "forget" about the 30 minute rule. It's hard I tell you! HARD! Perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done! Okay, now that's an exaggeration, but it is hard. Actually, I'll tell you what's harder than hard...GETTING IN ALL THE FRICKEN VITAMINS THAT I'M SUPPOSE TO GET IN MY BODY IN ONE FREAKIN DAY!!! I've accomplished this ONCE so far. It seems near impossible. ---I know, I don't need a lecture. I'll try harder. I promise.

I guess that's all for now. So far so good. I feel fantastic and I have nothing to complain about. I will try to update at least once a week to keep track of my progress and document my journey.

Oh one last thing that you may find funny or disgusting or just plain wrong, but I'm happy to report that not only have I not thrown up even once (a common occurrence with gastric by-pass) but my bowels are working like the old pros they are- this makes me extremely happy!

One Week Post Op

Woohoo! It has been eight days since my surgery and I have (almost) nothing to complain about!

The night before the surgery was rough. Both Brett and I had a terrible time trying to sleep. We tossed and turned and talked and snuggled and tossed and turned some more. We tried to go to bed early since we needed to be at the hospital at 5:15 in the morning, but Brett finally gave up on sleep at about 12:30 and I think I finally fell asleep around 1am. Brett woke me up at 3:30, I jumped in the shower, got dressed, kissed the dog and we were out the door. I wasn't scared or nervous just anxious and ready to get it over with. There were short moments during the last couple of days leading up to that morning where I thought about changing my mind but come that morning I was ready with no hesitation.

When we got to the hospital we checked in- all my paperwork had been completed during a pre-op visit three weeks earlier- they gave me my arm band and I waited to be called back. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity, in fact they didn't actually take me back until almost 6:30 (I think). When I got to the pre-surgical area, they made me pee in a cup and change into a hospital gown. A bunch of people came in and talked with me one at a time asking all kinds of questions and eventually the nurse anesthetists put in my IV. After that, Brett and my mom were able to come back and sit with me until it was time for me to go back- which wasn't long. My surgery was scheduled for 8am.

The last thing I remember is someone putting an oxygen mask on me and that was it. I woke up some time later in recovery with a personality-lacking nurse attending to me. What would be a huge nuisance to me for the next several days was immediately apparent...GAS! Being the champion burper that I am, I immediately started burping- I could tell she was impressed even though she didn't get excited about it. I don't remember being in recovery very long before they wheeled me up to my room. I don't remember what I was saying but I do remember chatting along the way. I believe it was about 2pm.

I didn't feel much pain other than the gas- I'm sure the morphine played a big part.

Oh you know what I forgot to mention? If you've been following my blog for a while now, you know how much my ovaries hate me, so guess what? They didn't let me down, I got my period three days before my surgery and it was in full force come surgery day. --I had even taken provera three weeks prior to make sure I'd have a period prior to surgery, when I got it on December 1st, I figured I was in the clear for the 19th...WRONG! Seriously...only me!

Anyway, that afternoon was a bit of a blur. I remember meeting my awesome nurse, I remember my mom and Brett being there. I remember my mom leaving and a flower delivery and I remember eventually getting up to go to the bathroom-- I'm pretty sure I know what it's like to have a baby now...modesty is not an option.

I got up and walked the hall at some point with Brett- the nurse promised me it would help with the gas- she lied.

I slept pretty good that night, in between vitals checks. Tuesday morning I got up and sat in the chair for a while, went for a few walks and drank teeny tiny sips of water from a medicine cup. Brett stayed the night with me Tuesday night we went for lots of walks and I took a much needed sponge-bath. The next morning the doctor came in and gave me a clean bill and told me I could go home before noon. I couldn't believe how good I was feeling. I'd been off the morphine since the night before and had moved onto liquid pain meds- Tylenol with codeine to be exact. There was a brief period when I had gone too long without the meds and found myself in a lot of pain, needing to get out of bed so I could pee when the vitals-girl came around, it was no surprise that my blood pressure had spiked. The nurse came in and pushed some meds through my IV and I was ready to go! I finally got to leave about two hours later.

The ride home was somewhat stressful- I had taken a swig of the pain meds just before we left so the pain wasn't too bad, but it was raining and I was dreading a potential slam of the breaks...it never happened, Brett drove very carefully, but I stressed about it none-the-less.

The rest of the week I mostly just laid around, went for short walks and tried my hardest to drink the recommended 64oz of fluid, which DID NOT HAPPEN-- still hasn't happened but I'm working on it. I felt surprisingly good. Still gassy, very gassy, miserably gassy, but otherwise pretty damned good so good in-fact that I decided we should join my family for the traditional Christmas Eve Party tradition. It was the first day I had put on clothes, did my hair and put on make up in a week-- this is not unusual for me since I work from home, but it felt like a huge accomplishment. When we got to my sister's house everyone was surprised at how good I looked, claiming it looked like I had already looked thinner. The fact of the matter was that I actually weighed more that day than I did the day of my surgery. I had actually GAINED 11 pounds post op- I guess from all of the fluids they pumped in me. Come Saturday I had only lost nine of those eleven pounds so it was probably more that the stitches were pulling my skin tight making me LOOK thinner. :)

Today is Tuesday, it's been eight days since my day of days and I'm now down two pounds from the day of- 15lbs since I started the liquid diet started 3 1/2 weeks ago...I'm hoping the weightloss will pick up- I guess if you count the post op weight gain, I'm actually down 13lbs in one week, eh.

I had so much that I wanted to write over the past week but just couldn't find the clarity or motivation until now and now I feel like I'm missing the point. I do plan to blog more often about this journey- I know for me, reading other blogs has been incredibly helpful and if I can help someone else on their journey with mine I'd be a happy, happy girl.

So, I promise to post more...soon! Actually, I think I'm going to write a second one right now that isn't so boring and IS more informational for those interested in the "process".

Thanks for reading! Questions and comments welcome!